Learning to Say NO is a Good Thing for your Personal Wellbeing.
There are too many nice people in the world today…or so it might seem, with the number of “yes” folks that contact me daily asking how to learn to say NO. However, it’s a hard ask when all our life we’ve been programmed to believe that saying Yes is the right answer!
As a child, you were raised to be considerate to others, and to accommodate them as much as possible, and for some, the NO was punishable in many ways. For self-preservation, we learned to say YES.
How do you know exactly when enough is enough? And more importantly, are you saying no to yourself by saying yes to others every time? Chances are that is exactly what you are doing, even if only subliminally.
Wondering when is the time for you to use your no’s effectively? Let’s have a look at the consequences of yes to you!!
Piling on the Stress
Not being able to say no can greatly contribute to elevated stress and really quickly! Doing too much contributes to feelings of overwhelm causing and adding to or creating chronic stress, and people who cannot say no are usually the first to fall victim.
It is important to understand your own boundaries and limitations, and while helping others is important, you have to take care of yourself first.
This means sometimes saying no to friends and family, in order to maintain an optimal level of health and wellness for yourself.
Feelings of Obligation
This is by far the most common cause of resentment in people, since they are basically “forced” to say yes whether or not they want to. Maybe the person asking did a major favour for you in life, maybe it is a family member.
You feel a sense of obligation to always be on beck and call for whatever that person requests of you, but you need to ask yourself “when is my bill paid in full?” will you continue to feel a forced sense of obligation forever?
This constant obligatory situation builds resentment, and resentment can literally make you physically ill!
You need to let them know you have to put yourself first, by doing what you need to do. If an issue arises, it may be best to sever ties and remove a toxic person from your life, it happens as we begin to be true to ourselves that not all of the people in our lives remain……. start to see this as growth for yourself and not failure to keep someone else happy. Their happiness is not your responsibility.
Friends who don’t take NO for an answer.
These are not friends!! They are bullies, who wish to push you into doing what they want. You have every right to say NO – whether that’s to going to the movies during the weeks, the pub, for coffee or any other request they have.
We can say NO to our friends and let them know that on this occasion it is just not possible for us. When they push for that YES alright I’ll come, instead we can stand in our personal power say thank you for the invitation I simply cannot. When you stand in your personal power consistently they will get the message and begin asking someone else.
Enabling Bad Behaviour
It has happened to all of us before, from a kid asking for something, hearing no and slowly breaking you down, too much worse influences on your life.
From friends begging you for a loan, due to their unnecessary spending, while it may seem ok or insignificant at the time, it enables bad behaviour and disrespect over the long haul. You are not a bank and nothing comes between people quicker than money!
When you say no, it needs to stay that way. You will gain infinite respect for having unbendable beliefs and will be looked at as a pillar of strength.
Not Speaking Up
There have undoubtedly been numerous times when you sit quietly while something (or someone) boils your blood to the point of an eruption, yet you show no outward emotions. This can range from a boss berating you in the office, a bully, or a random stranger who finds it appropriate to assert their dominance over you.
By allowing it, you are doing just that, rolling over and assuming the foetal position.When we learn to stand in our own personal power over one issue, it rolls over and we learn to speak up for ourselves in many other issues as well. We learn to speak our truth and whilst we can do this in a diplomatic way we none the less can say what we feel.
NO is not a bad word. It has been criminalized via society and the illusion that things must be ok all the time. You will only end up resenting yourself for not being able to make better choices for yourself, and not ever doing what you want to do by allowing others to take away your free will by exerting theirs. You need to look after yourself before you look after anyone else.
If you are having major issues with standing in your power you may wish to further investigate this issue with us, I’ve helped many discover the core reasons they find it hard to say NO and to stand in the personal power.